// #eevblog — 2019-07-20
1996
1997
1998
1999
2000
2001
2002
2003
2004
2005
2006
2007
2008
2009
2010
2011
2012
2013
2014
2015
2016
00:24:22 <DHess_US> https://youtu.be/zfIXt_cF4jg
00:24:34 <DHess_US> Title: Mike Lee Enters Valhalla (Green New Deal YLYL) by John Ward [10m52s - 112k views - 113d ago]
01:36:39 Join: dcode31 ([email protected]) to #EEVblog
01:38:59 Quit: dcode31 ([email protected]) Quit: http://www.kiwiirc.com/ - A hand crafted IRC client
03:08:58 Join: Nothing\ ([email protected]) to #EEVblog
03:09:36 <Nothing\> phew it's bloody humid today
03:09:56 <rust_collector> yeah, but it is a hot humidity
03:10:03 <Nothing\> just had a small storm cell pass over with some nice, cool air but not that cool apparently, and of course the second the rain passes the air's perfectly still again
03:10:17 <Nothing\> rust_collector: oh i know, i've been sticky and wet constantly all week
03:10:33 <rust_collector> I was throwing cashews at random animals on my lawn today
03:10:41 <Nothing\> haha nice, i'm rubbing off on you huh
03:10:56 <rust_collector> no, but I figured it was worth trying
03:11:06 <Nothing\> what sorta animals?
03:11:33 <rust_collector> mostly magpies, a crow, and some cats
03:12:00 <rust_collector> not very fun, but the cats did run, so that is good
03:12:32 <Nothing\> it's funny, we've got starlings that have been coming by eating the peanuts, but they don't seem like they can open them properly, they just sorta bash them on the ground until the shell gives, then they can't even break pieces off the peanut itself so they do the same thing to it and end up just running off with a tiny chunk of nut
03:13:11 <Nothing\> it doesn't seem like they're natural peanut eaters, so i looked it up and surely enough they only do that when their normal food of berries and such are hard to find, so i figured i'd put some cherries and grapes out for them, i saw one sorta peck at the cherries and then go for the peanuts anyways lol
03:13:20 <Nothing\> so i think i broke them by giving them a taste for peanuts
03:13:34 <Nothing\> hey man, crows will reward you if you feed them
03:13:36 <Nothing\> they're real smart
03:14:15 <Nothing\> i read a story about a little girl who fed the local crows and in return, they brought her gifts of random things they found around the neighbourhood, pieces of plastic, beads, twigs, stuff a bird finds aesthetically pleasing
03:14:50 <Nothing\> i thought that was really neat, so i tried feeding the birds here that i thought were crows, but they wound up being grackles, who are just bastards lol
03:15:20 <rust_collector> my grandmas neighbor had a magpie. he was a very old man, and the bird was probably old too. It had dried bread and water, and sat on the bench next to the old guy, looking at him spitting tobacco, and making walking canes
03:15:29 <Nothing\> i also suspect they have an eating disorder because they won't eat if i'm looking at them, if i look at them they'll take their food over to a spot where i can't see them and continue trying to eat
03:15:42 <Nothing\> that's pretty cool
03:15:50 <Nothing\> i think i've heard magpies are pretty smart too
03:16:03 <rust_collector> I think so.
03:16:08 <Nothing\> starlings are supposed to be really good mimicks, but they don't seem very smart to me
03:16:25 <rust_collector> they are sudoku masters
03:16:30 <Nothing\> i saw one starling running around the backyard with his beak stuck in a peanut for a few minutes
03:16:51 <Nothing\> and if i have a pile of peanuts, they just walk on top of them like they're nothing
03:17:21 <Nothing\> what the hell is that sound, there's this sound outside that sounds like a really low flying jet or really long thunder, but it's been going on for like 5-10 minutes now
03:17:59 <rust_collector> that is a detroit diesel, in an underground garage
03:18:00 <Nothing\> oh, my mom just came in and said it's thunder
03:19:07 <Nothing\> wow that's some crazy thunder
03:19:18 <Nothing\> it's just this continuous roar/rumble
03:20:07 <Nothing\> that's almost what it sounds like is a diesel train or something
03:21:17 <rust_collector> do you have some train club or something there? Could be an old emd with a rusted out muffler
03:21:40 <rust_collector> well, gmd, if it is old
03:24:15 <Nothing\> lol there are tracks like a mile away where i can still hear the train but not this loud, and certainly not for this long
03:24:31 <Nothing\> ugh i dunno if i shoulda opened the windows, it's way more humid in here now
03:25:04 <Nothing\> thermostat says it's only 26 though
03:26:01 <rust_collector> some nights, I can hear the mow train, pulling ballast wagons. They use old gm thingies imported from denmark, of all things. I can hear it for several miles
03:26:06 <Nothing\> this noise has been going constantly since about 5-10 mins before i mentioned it without any pause
03:26:24 <Nothing\> yeah it's crazy how loud trains are
03:26:28 <rust_collector> probably just aliens
03:26:32 <Nothing\> just from the sheer weight of it
03:26:45 <Ampera> hi Nothing\
03:26:47 <Nothing\> standing next to the one i mentioned when it goes by, you can feel the ground shaking
03:26:47 <Ampera> how do
03:26:54 <Nothing\> hey Ampera i'm doing pretty well, how bout you?
03:27:12 <Ampera> yeet
03:27:14 <Nothing\> oooh i just got an idea, i should make a lightning detector circuit
03:27:33 <Nothing\> cuz you know how you can hear lightning on your speakers or radio from the RF it puts out
03:27:45 <rust_collector> or a tower, to see how many leds you can light up
03:27:57 <Nothing\> actually that's one thing i've always wanted to do
03:28:27 <Nothing\> there's a voltage potential as you go higher so you can actually draw current from thin air if you have a wire spanning a great enough height
03:29:08 <Nothing\> rimmstar has a video of making a motor that runs off of it, the voltage is surprisingly high, but you get very little current so it's not really practical for anything useful
03:29:11 <rust_collector> hope you have good wires then
03:29:54 <Nothing\> oh cool i found a real time lightning map, it shows lightning strikes in real time anywhere in the world
03:30:04 <Nothing\> https://www.lightningmaps.org/?lang=en
03:30:39 <Nothing\> holy crap yeah, the area around me is lit up like a christmas tree, right around toronto
03:30:44 <Nothing\> to the southwest of it
03:31:07 <Nothing\> that's so cool that it shows a circle radiating outwards where the thunder is
03:33:00 <Nothing\> 40 strikes per minute for my area it says
03:33:52 <rust_collector> yup, probably just aliens
03:34:40 <Nothing\> nah, it's clearly the result of HAARP
03:35:03 <Nothing\> of course, HAARP is based on alien technology, so technically you're right
03:35:49 <Nothing\> man, i went on the weather network's site yesterday to try and find an isobar map, cuz i haven't seen one in ages but i miss them cuz they're so informative, turns out they completely did away with them :/
03:36:24 <Nothing\> i guess isobar maps are too complicated for the general public, gotta replace them with photos of puppies playing in the snow, cuz that's way more important
03:36:56 <Nothing\> kinda lame though, considering i've known how to make sense of them since i was a kid, it's not like it's rocket surgery or anything
03:37:28 <Nothing\> it's so sad how media in general has dumbed itself down so severely
03:38:03 <Ampera> A L I E N S G I V E M E A F A T F U C K I N G B O N E R
03:38:17 <Nothing\> Ampera: i got my from a skellington
03:38:37 <Ampera> a wha
03:38:43 <Nothing\> skeleton lol
03:38:59 <Ampera> not what I meant
03:39:05 <Ampera> I got me from a skeleton?
03:39:08 <Ampera> *my
03:39:14 <Nothing\> i got my boner from a skeleton
03:39:16 <Nothing\> :P
03:39:25 <Ampera> the word is mine you muppet
03:39:43 <Ampera> any news on your court bullshit?
03:39:43 <Nothing\> lol you been watching lock stock and two smoking barrels or something
03:39:50 <Ampera> no?
03:39:52 <Ampera> who?
03:40:08 <Nothing\> yeah it's in pretrial now, my lawyer went on wednesday and i've gotta go in august, so it's coming to a head, for better or worst
03:40:18 <Nothing\> part of me doesn't want it to move forward cuz i'm terrified of what will happen
03:40:30 <Nothing\> don't think i've been more scared in my life to be honest
03:40:38 <Nothing\> they wanna give me 6 months
03:40:54 <Ampera> lol did you do it?
03:40:58 <Nothing\> hell no
03:41:04 <Nothing\> it's all bullshit heresay
03:41:23 <Nothing\> and stuff taken out of context for the sake of fitting the heresay
03:41:25 <Ampera> then that means you have a better chance of walking away then you do going to prison
03:41:29 <Nothing\> oh definitely
03:41:43 <Ampera> my mind in these sorts of situations is, even though shit's bleak, whatever happens happens
03:41:49 <Ampera> I'm not dying, and I have a future
03:42:01 <Nothing\> there's very little evidence to support the claims, just some text messages taken out of context, some of them look damnig on their own but i'm confident i can explain them
03:42:10 <Ampera> What is far more terrifying of a situation to me is when I don't know what will happen for years
03:42:14 <Ampera> where I don't even know if I have a future I'd want
03:42:16 <Nothing\> so, logically i'm not worried, but the irrational part of me is freaking out
03:42:37 <Ampera> Well, you were instructed to not tell me, so I don't want to press you for details.
03:42:38 <Nothing\> Ampera: if i knew what kind of future i was gonna have as a child... i'd have been devastated
03:42:42 <Nothing\> to say the least
03:43:01 <Ampera> You see I'd wish for that sort of knowledge.
03:43:09 <Nothing\> just the idea of my dad saying he wanted to die when he was 90 made me sad, nevermind this
03:43:20 <Nothing\> yeah i dunno if it would have made a difference or not
03:43:27 <Ampera> Even if I know that my future is going to be unchangeably horrific, at least I know.
03:43:51 <Ampera> The greatest pain is shifting through time at such a slow pace, literally day by day, and not knowing when or if all the things you want to happen will happen
03:43:56 <Ampera> or if it will all crumble at your feet
03:43:57 <Nothing\> i mean i know a good chunk of why i'm here is my own fault from drug use and other such self destructive behaviors, but those stem from mental health problems which predate my drug use
03:44:28 <Nothing\> plus i was bullied so bad as a kid by pretty much everyone in my life save for my mom and a few family members, so that devastated my self esteem
03:44:32 <Ampera> the thing is you have a really good view of your future, even if there are clouds.
03:44:46 <Ampera> I have nothing.
03:45:00 <Ampera> I don't know who I will be, how I will look, how I will get there, nor how to find out.
03:45:02 <Nothing\> that's great though
03:45:09 <Nothing\> that means you have the freedom to make whatever future you want
03:45:33 <Ampera> No, it's not. I have effectively no trustworthy guidance from anyone, and am genuinely steering a ship too large for one man by myself.
03:45:43 <Nothing\> that was my problem
03:45:49 <Nothing\> nobody ever taught me proper life skills
03:46:00 <Ampera> It doesn't work like that. If I was absent of problems that will come to a conclusion, I would be able to
03:46:04 <Nothing\> you know, i didn't even know you had to work to survive until i was in my 20s
03:46:21 <Nothing\> i was spoiled so bad as a kid, then when that all went away i was left high and dry with nothing
03:46:25 <Ampera> I have life skills, I honestly have the ability to make decisions and to weigh considerable facts and issues.
03:46:46 <Nothing\> cognitively i have no problem, i know what i need to do, but for some reason i can't do it
03:46:58 <Nothing\> or if i do, i can't do it consistently
03:47:13 <Ampera> I have almost the opposite situation. I had a very very nice childhood, with everything I could want, but throughout all of it I wished I could do more, to be older, and to do things I wanted to do
03:47:30 <Nothing\> i might start improving something for a short time, a few days, maybe a week or two, then i dunno, i lose motivation or something and go back to lethargy
03:47:34 <Ampera> now as my childhood has left me, and all the things that made it so great, I am, just the same, left with very little support outside of a roof and food.
03:48:17 <Ampera> I think everyone has that same problem, simply to greater degrees, ranging between pure hyperactivity, to true bipolarism, to pure lethargy.
03:49:07 <Nothing\> you might be bipolar
03:49:15 <Ampera> I'm not gonna beat around the bush, my big, and probably major issue is my transgenderism.
03:49:26 <Nothing\> i was diagnosed as bipolar, rapid cycling, but the more i think about it the more i don't think it's a right diagnosis
03:49:28 <Ampera> It's not impossible, but I haven't had any considerable signs.
03:49:38 <Nothing\> Ampera: yeah i think a lot of it probably stems from your confusion surrounding that
03:49:43 <Ampera> The only evidence I'd have is a family history of schizoaffective.
03:49:51 <Ampera> No, it's not confusion.
03:49:52 <Nothing\> it might not be caused by said confusion, but it's definitely exacerbated by it
03:50:04 <Ampera> I have learned exactly what it is, how it manifests, and what the source is.
03:50:16 <Nothing\> well no, i use the word confusion for the sake of convenience, i'm not sure there is any word that can succinctly summarize what you're going through
03:50:21 <Ampera> To be as simple as I can, I've found that it's almost an inverse of homosexuality.
03:50:38 <Ampera> When you think of homosexual, you think of outward attraction, one relating to another person.
03:50:56 <Ampera> I've found, however, that relationships consist of more than just who the other person is, it's also to do with who you are.
03:51:19 <Ampera> A straight man is attracted to females, but only if he is in that attraction, a male.
03:51:22 <Nothing\> i've been quite the opposite, i've had almost no sex drive and hardly ever think about it, though i am still attracted to females, but it's a stark contrast to my 20s where i was constantly sex crazed
03:51:40 <Ampera> If he were suddenly a female, that view wouldn't really work out so well.
03:52:03 <Ampera> In the same way a straight man cannot love another man, I cannot view myself in the capacity of a relationship in the context of being male.
03:52:06 <Nothing\> well, why get hung up so much on labels though?
03:52:19 <Nothing\> i mean, regardless of how you define it, you are who you are, right
03:52:42 <Ampera> If a piece of tech is broken, not functioning correctly, it is the way it is.
03:52:43 <Nothing\> although i can understand that in finding a label that fits, you can explore it more easily as you have something more tangible to look into
03:52:52 <Nothing\> Ampera: i see your point
03:52:57 <Ampera> Acknowledging that it is simply broken doesn't help fix it, understanding why it's broken is.
03:53:03 <Ampera> However it's not a label I am after, it is an explanation.
03:53:16 <Ampera> Why am I like the way I am, and knowing that, what would be the steps to fix my dysphoria.
03:53:39 <Nothing\> oh okay so you mean you're broken in the sense that you're in the wrong body for your mind, so to speak
03:53:45 <Ampera> I've also found that the concepts of attraction (sexual or otherwise) exist not simply within those confines, but define in great detail all of society.
03:54:03 <Nothing\> it sounds almost like you're implying that your sexual orientation is what makes you broken
03:54:08 <Ampera> Part of the sexual experience is simply the societal structures that people are born into.
03:54:23 <Ampera> When I first had this issue, I would have said that's a terrible analogy.
03:54:50 <Ampera> and while I still don't consider the body I have the wrong body, my mind experiences society as a whole with a basis different from what I live in.
03:54:57 <Ampera> Body, interactions, recognition, identity, all of it.
03:55:21 <Ampera> and while nothing within that discriminator is concrete, it's still trendedly followed to some degree.
03:56:02 <Ampera> My brokenness is a deep psychological pain, just as real as a physical pain, that comes with my expressions being learned against something I wish to exist as.
03:56:06 <Ampera> if that makes any sense.
03:57:28 <Nothing\> it does i think as much as such a subjective thing can make sense in objective terms
03:57:48 <Nothing\> it seems like the sort of thing you really can't truly understand unless you go through it yourself
03:58:46 <Ampera> I think I have found a way, with enough concentration, to explain the sensation to those who do not have it
03:58:50 <Nothing\> it's too bad i don't have facebook anymore, i had some friends on there who were trans i could have connected you with so you could maybe get a perspective on it from somebody who's been through something similar, but hasn't been warped by all of that crap in society, i can't really explain it but you know the crap i mean
03:58:52 <Ampera> but it might not work well over the medium of IRC.
03:58:59 <Ampera> I disagree.
03:59:05 <Nothing\> you definitely do need some people in your life to talk to about it though
03:59:06 <Ampera> I have found that trans people have been the absolute worst to connect with.
03:59:25 <Nothing\> well yeah, in general but you can't apply that to every trans person in the world
03:59:31 <Ampera> I have gained nothing but hatred and deception from trans people, as so dearly many of them have been conned into it.
03:59:49 <Nothing\> they won't all be like that, although whether you want to wade through all of the crappy people to find one that's halfway decent is worth it is another story
04:00:04 <Ampera> I will tell you this much, transgenderism is poorly understood like any medical condition was in our past. That misunderstanding forms factions, cliques, and people diagnosed simply to fit into them.
04:00:07 <Nothing\> yeah that's why i tend not to talk about my problems with people, at least not in detail
04:01:01 <Ampera> Children and their parents are scared based off circumstantial, sometimes even nonexistent details by witch-doctor therapists into incredibly dangerous, permanent, and definitely expensive treatments that make them a lot of money.
04:01:06 <Nothing\> it's unfortunate but that's very true, little is known about it, which i think comes down to the fact that society's only just started to accept it, so the study of it is still in its infancy
04:01:21 <Nothing\> oh yeah
04:01:45 <Ampera> They are brought through a horrific time of their life pushed into a scenario they don't belong in and understand nothing about, and with such a fragile world view, it pushes them into the angry and lost people you so commonly see.
04:01:53 <Nothing\> it's just like that whole thing before homosexuality was accepted where people thought gays wanted to convert straight people and spread AIDS and all kind of crap like that
04:02:16 <Nothing\> apparently they're looking to ban conversion therapy in canada
04:02:18 <Ampera> The issue is that trans people do want to convert others.
04:02:21 <Ampera> Literally.
04:02:28 <Nothing\> which i think can't come soon enough, conversion therapy is disgusting
04:02:49 <Nothing\> Ampera: really,
04:02:55 <Ampera> You can't make someone have real gender dysphoria the same way you can't make someone gay or straight, but you can definitely fool and drug them well enough.
04:03:02 <Nothing\> you mean like, convert straight people to trans? or just convince people who are confused to become trans
04:03:04 <Ampera> Often it's not trans people but those who claim to be professionals in that area.
04:03:16 <Ampera> Convert straight people into trans by confusing them long enough for it to be too late to go back.
04:03:26 <Nothing\> that's the big problem, the professionals who deal with this aren't trans themselves
04:03:31 <Nothing\> they have no first hand experience with it
04:03:51 <Ampera> The issue is with so many conned and hurt people, there's no good way to know who is and who is not truly trans.
04:04:37 <Ampera> Not only that, but transitioning is an incredibly invasive, incredibly risky, and unbelievably high stress journey and series that may not even be able to help many trans people, nevermind those who have nothing wrong in the first place.
04:05:01 <Nothing\> i had the same problem dealing with addiction counsellors who have no experience with it themselves, there was a detox center i was in once years ago where all of the staff were recovering addicts themselves, and it made them sooo much easier to talk to and relate to, they actually understood what i was going through and best of all, they didn't look down their nose at me or act superior or demeaning because i was an addi
04:05:01 <Nothing\> any people i went to for help
04:05:15 <Ampera> All this has added up to make my situation so much worse.
04:05:30 <Nothing\> well at least you've learned something from it, so it's not all in vain
04:05:50 <Ampera> I find myself alone, only with people who want to push me into it, like a group of friends egging me on to try a cigarette.
04:05:59 <Nothing\> in fact i find the most painful, difficult experiences tend to be the best ones to learn from, that is you get the most valuable wisdom from them
04:06:12 <Nothing\> yeah you don't need that shit
04:06:29 <Ampera> My treatment options are expensive, incredibly stressful marathons of nightmares that may never even reach their potential to help me
04:06:41 <Nothing\> things are hard enough for you as it is without self interested dickheads trying to manipulate you like a puppet for the sake of making themselves feel good
04:06:44 <Nothing\> it's disgusting, really
04:06:49 <Ampera> I am already so very tired of dealing with my problem, and I do not have the energy to take a transitional course of action.
04:07:01 <Ampera> You know the saying, misery loves company.
04:07:07 <Nothing\> ah yeah
04:07:21 <Nothing\> that's true of any emotion though, emotions are just contagious
04:07:50 <Nothing\> actually behaviors in general are contagious, you surround yourself with a bunch of people and you're inevitably going to take on certain qualities that they have
04:07:54 <Ampera> That, if not more than anything, is why trans people try to convert others. Just so that if they can find one more person that can agree with them and do exactly what they have done, their world view can remain haphazardly stable for one more day.
04:07:59 <Nothing\> whether you're aware of it or not
04:08:05 <Ampera> Definitely.
04:08:12 <Nothing\> ah so it's vindication they're looking for
04:08:22 <Ampera> In a sense.
04:08:30 <Ampera> Buyer's remorse more than anything.
04:08:44 <Ampera> It's like someone trying to sell someone else a shit product, just because they aren't willing to admit they were cheated on it.
04:09:25 <Nothing\> actually another thing i can see is that they have that online doctor sort of mentality, you know the sort of people who want to play doctor or psychologist online so they can feel good about themselves for "helping" people when in reality they're doing more harm by doing this
04:09:26 <Ampera> If I didn't have this issue, I would have the strength, vigor, and willpower to do so much more in my life. I am sure I would have achieved so many more great things by now if I hadn't been constantly dragged down into an almost depressive state by it.
04:09:36 <Ampera> mhm
04:09:58 <desu> Nothing\: yeah, i've talked to trans people exactly like that
04:10:08 <desu> they try to convince you HRT is your only option etc
04:10:14 <desu> and are generally very pushy
04:10:14 <Ampera> Addiction is a coping mechanism that those in serious pain seek to comfort themselves with, and even though I don't want to trivialize your problems, I believe I have an addiction of my own.
04:10:26 <Ampera> As stupid as it sounds, I am addicted to my own imagination.
04:10:31 <Nothing\> when i went to harm reduction communities regarding drug use there were a lot of people who when you had a problem, they'd immediately start offering advice, be it medical or life advice or what have you, because they think they're experts because they've read a few things on pro-drug sites or watched some youtube videos and know some big words
04:11:00 <Nothing\> desu: that's really sad, it's a difficult enough thing to go through as it is, you'd think they would be more respectful of that
04:11:02 <Ampera> The pure ability for my mind to place itself in another life, in another position is one of the most relieving things I can think of, so much so that I haven't been able to put it down.
04:11:15 <desu> far from all of them are like that though i should add
04:11:33 <Ampera> I would be willing to say that a very very large number of them are.
04:11:38 <Nothing\> ah man it's nice outside now, i should go out there
04:11:49 <Ampera> True transgenderism is as rare, if not rarer than homosexuality.
04:11:51 <Nothing\> i wanna get like a 6 or 7in screen for my pi so i can make it portable
04:12:16 <Nothing\> Ampera: what's the difference? or is it just a matter of somebody being a "poser" or i guess metro would be a closer analogy
04:13:38 <Nothing\> i wonder if you could turn a switch into a pi
04:13:41 <Ampera> The difference, Nothing\, is that even though both are in pain, one was given that pain by someone else.
04:13:42 <Nothing\> it uses an ARM core
04:13:50 <Ampera> Nothing\, yep, already been done.
04:13:56 <Nothing\> i'm not surprised lol
04:14:00 <Ampera> People have homebrewed GNU/Linux onto it, and I even think Android.
04:14:15 <desu> Nothing\: well as Ampera said, i think it's ppl who've feel like they've made the wrong decision and try to push that onto others
04:14:17 <Nothing\> i heard a while ago that there was a game on the nintendo online store that got pulled because it had an easter egg where you could access a ruby console
04:14:19 <desu> i dunno
04:14:21 <desu> though
04:14:45 <Ampera> The thing is, desu, they never made those decisions.
04:15:06 <Nothing\> desu: oh okay i get it, so they question their choice, so they try to convert other people because they feel like it would vindicate them somehow
04:15:14 <Nothing\> although i'd wager a lot of this isn't a conscious process
04:15:16 <Ampera> The bulk of them were too young to have done that, instead those decisions were made by worried parents with very powerful "mental health professionals" breathing down their necks.
04:15:40 <Nothing\> i think it's great that they're trying to ban conversion therapy here
04:15:44 <Ampera> Lots of these people are abducted when they are even younger than 13, but once they are given hormone blockers, it's game over.
04:15:48 <Nothing\> i don't understand why they haven't already, it seems like a no brainer to me
04:16:16 <Nothing\> to me, conversion therapy clinics are no different from the residential schools the canadian government used to force native americans into
04:16:43 <desu> yeah i almost started HRT that young, and im glad i didn't
04:16:46 <desu> well around 15
04:16:49 <desu> but honestly
04:17:00 <desu> idk
04:17:06 <desu> maybe it would have been good for me
04:17:07 <desu> who knows
04:17:12 <Nothing\> they'd take their kids and put them in these residential schools where they'd be americanized (or canadianized i guess) and become indoctrinated into western society and forced into christianity while having their own heritage stripped from them
04:17:23 <Nothing\> not to mention all of the physical and sexual abuse
04:17:39 <Nothing\> but to me, a conversion therapy clinic is no different
04:18:15 <Nothing\> desu: i think it would be remiss to put any adolescent on hormone therapy considering how badly it could mess with puberty and proper development
04:18:23 <Nothing\> i mean i'm just speculating here, but it seems like a really bad idea
04:18:40 <rust_collector> well, the church can not employ all the pervs, so clinics makes sense
04:19:15 <desu> no im not saying it's good
04:19:15 <Nothing\> well i can't speak for the clinics in terms of abuse, i've personally never heard of such things but i can certainly see forcing people to have sex with somebody to try and convert them
04:19:25 <desu> i dunno i never had any mental health professionals try to push that on me
04:19:26 <Nothing\> desu: oh no, i didn't mean to imply you were
04:19:44 <desu> i think this was before the whole ppl transistioning at 12 and stuff started
04:19:46 <Ampera> Nothing\, HRT and hormone blocking is permanent and an adult decision.
04:19:51 <Nothing\> eww my cup of juice is soaked with condensation
04:19:51 <Ampera> It's not something that should ever be given to a child.
04:19:57 <Nothing\> it dripped all over my keyboard and lap
04:20:05 <Nothing\> Ampera: that too, i didn't even consider that aspect of it
04:20:21 <Nothing\> Ampera: but parents seem to think their decisions are what their kids would want as an adult
04:20:34 <Nothing\> whether it's piercing your ears or getting circumcised or baptism
04:21:06 <Ampera> All of these issues and more, in my mind, make me think I cannot do this.
04:21:09 <Nothing\> though tbh i'm glad i was circumcised, i don't remember what it was like beforehand so i don't know what i'm missing in terms of that supposed pleasure
04:21:16 <Ampera> but that leaves me with needing to fix my problem still.
04:22:30 <Nothing\> the thing i've realized is i'm basically gonna be fixing problems with myself for the rest of my life
04:23:00 <Nothing\> but not because i'm broken necessarily, but rather because nobody's perfect and there's always gonna be something to work on, and i think it would be remiss not to focus on bettering yourself all the time
04:23:27 <Nothing\> so many people think once they reach adulthood that's it as far as learning and improving yourself is concerned, but it's a lifelong struggle
04:23:33 <Nothing\> or it should be anyways
04:23:53 <Nothing\> but i don't see it as a bad thing, it just is what it is
04:24:37 <Nothing\> i'll tell you this though Ampera
04:25:32 <Nothing\> i've talked to/helped dozens upon dozens of people in the harm reduction communities i used to go to over the past 20 years, and of all of the people i've talked to, you're among the top ones i would expect to do well
04:26:13 <Nothing\> i'm sorry to keep comparing you to drug addicts but i have no other metric to use lol
04:27:12 <Nothing\> but a lot of them had similar problems and they'd just go to drugs and self destructive behavior and such almost instinctually in response to stress, i'm really glad to see you don't have that tendency
04:27:51 <Ampera> Ending up well doesn't make getting there any less painful.
04:28:30 <Nothing\> no, it certainly doesn't, i just remind myself that painful events tend to impart the most important wisdom on us, plus they make us stronger people
04:28:46 <Ampera> Sadly you are entirely correct.
04:29:01 <Nothing\> that was the one thought that kept me going after my wife left me was knowing that when all was said and done, i'd be stronger and wiser for having gone through it
04:29:37 <Nothing\> i'm glad you agree, a lot of people don't see that, they focus so much on the negative aspect that they're blind to anything good about it
04:29:58 <Nothing\> but i've found if you dig deep enough, you can find a silver lining to almost anything, no matter how tragic
04:30:27 <Nothing\> and it really does help to know you're not just going through this crap in vain
04:30:40 <Nothing\> oh wow, my windows are fogged up
04:31:58 <Nothing\> i know it goes without saying, but i really hope you manage to get to where it is you need to be in your life, Ampera. i wish nothing but the best for you
04:32:53 <Ampera> thanks Nothing\
04:33:04 <Ampera> I hope I end up somewhere.
04:33:21 <Nothing\> any time =) i'm really glad i can help
05:27:11 <Nothing\> sweet, i picked up the entire sextology of tremors on dvd at walmart for $20
05:27:37 <Nothing\> i didn't even know they made 6 tremors movies, i was only aware of 4 of them which the sequels weren't actually that bad from what i saw
05:27:47 <Nothing\> hexology?
05:29:17 <desu> that's a lot of movies
05:41:33 Join: DogWomble_ ([email protected]) to #EEVblog
05:41:43 Mode: (by ChanOP) +o DogWomble_
06:00:34 Quit: Nothing\ ([email protected]) Quit: Leaving
06:16:50 Quit: DogWomble_ ([email protected]) Ping timeout: 121 seconds
06:47:18 <DHess_US> https://twitter.com/ELINTNews/status/1152296450656821250
07:57:37 Join: Guest|86120 ([email protected]) to #EEVblog
07:57:59 Quit: Guest|86120 ([email protected]) Quit: http://www.kiwiirc.com/ - A hand crafted IRC client
08:39:46 <DHess_US> https://usercontent.irccloud-cdn.com/file/ttsOZuIr/IMG_1299.JPG
10:04:53 Join: SnowCrab ([email protected]) to #EEVblog
10:40:20 <desu> wounder if they have armed guards at the vatican
10:57:13 <DHess_US> Yes, they are Swiss.
10:57:18 <desu> i saw
10:57:20 <desu> no guns though
10:57:32 <DHess_US> No, they have guns but not when on cerimonial duty.
10:57:48 <DHess_US> The Swiss guards with the guns are out of sight.
10:59:00 <DHess_US> There was a treaty which Switzerland signed ages ago which said Switzerland was not allowed to deploy military forces (militia) outside of Switzerland with the exception of protecting the Vatican and Pope.
10:59:10 <desu> would probably be easier to storm that place than area 51 though
10:59:32 <desu> i guess unless they call in the italian military or something
10:59:38 <Ampera> why the fuck would you want to storm the vatican
10:59:52 <desu> vatican archives
11:01:00 <desu> i think they are supposed to have proof of aliens or something
11:01:06 <desu> so it's sort of like the euro area 51
11:02:38 <DHess_US> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Congress_of_Vienna
11:02:48 <DHess_US> "Swiss mercenaries had played a significant role in European wars for a couple of hundred years: the Congress intended to put a stop to these activities permanently. "
11:03:22 <DHess_US> Basically the Swiss promised not to export mercenaries anymore.
11:04:13 <DHess_US> So Swizerland promised not to fight anywhere except home and the Vatican.
11:04:51 <desu> even as like
11:04:54 <desu> UN peacekeepers?
11:05:02 <DHess_US> Yup
11:05:02 <desu> even sweden has soldiers doing that
11:05:27 <DHess_US> That's why you never find the Swiss army as part of UN operations.
11:06:37 <desu> good
11:06:41 <desu> fuck the un
11:06:59 <DHess_US> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pontifical_Swiss_Guard
11:07:55 <desu> they look silly
11:08:17 <DHess_US> Michelangelo designed their uniforms.
11:08:22 <DHess_US> So it is traditional.
11:08:59 <DHess_US> And they have defended the Pope at least once where the Pope had to be evacuated.
11:09:40 <desu> that must have been long ago
11:31:47 <DHess_US> Sure, but they kept the uniforms.
11:32:04 <DHess_US> Want to see something modern which MIchelangelo designed? There ya go.
11:32:43 <DHess_US> Incidently, the reason the uniforms are so bright is the same reason all military uniforms and especially combat uniforms were bightly colored back then.
11:33:04 <DHess_US> It allows easy identification even when black powder firearms are used on a battlefield.
11:33:33 <DHess_US> If the uniforms were designed to blend in, then the commanders wouldn't be able to identify their troops.
11:34:49 <Halcyon> Well I'm off to Canberra, see you guys in a week
11:35:01 * Halcyon licks T3sl4, Ampera and steve30 on the way out
11:35:29 Quit: Halcyon ([email protected]) Connection closed
11:35:37 <steve30> you mean we're going to be halcyonless for a week?
11:35:50 <DHess_US> No worries. I have plenty of snuggles for you, https://www.rmjtactical.com/collections/tactical-tomahawks/products/snuggles
11:40:44 <DHess_US> https://gunsandgadgetsdaily.com/4-guns-were-gonna-need-for-the-area-51-raid/
13:15:47 <mrpackethead> DHess_US, over here in NZ, we are learning that even the die hard gun owners are happily handing in their guns
13:20:46 <DHess_US> That isn't what the news stories I have read say. Compliance has been pittiful so far.
13:21:04 <DHess_US> I'd be pissed off also if they were offering 25% of the value.
13:30:21 Join: Belle_Delphine ([email protected]) to #EEVblog
13:37:48 Quit: Belle_Delphine ([email protected]) Quit: http://www.kiwiirc.com/ - A hand crafted IRC client
13:38:55 Join: Belle_Delphine ([email protected]) to #EEVblog
13:41:20 Quit: Belle_Delphine ([email protected]) Quit: http://www.kiwiirc.com/ - A hand crafted IRC client
19:59:40 <Ampera> the moment Halcyon leaves, we get invaded by an e-thot
20:08:51 <desu> Ampera you're the ethot
20:09:01 <Ampera> desu, I wish
20:12:19 <desu> :D
20:12:38 <desu> idunno
20:12:44 <desu> ethots get too much attention
20:12:48 <desu> i don't like that
20:13:16 <Ampera> You might not, but the e-thots do
20:13:34 <desu> no no
20:13:40 <desu> i don't care that they get attention
20:13:50 <desu> but i don't think i could handle ethot attention
20:13:54 <desu> thats whack
20:14:00 <Ampera> *wack
20:14:08 <desu> my voice is pretty good
20:14:15 <desu> and ppl in csgo mistake me for cis all the time
20:14:16 <Ampera> and considering what happened in Utica recently, that not that far off
20:14:20 <desu> i can't handle that
20:14:29 <Ampera> wait, you're telling me you're a trap?
20:14:35 <desu> no
20:14:37 <desu> fuck faggots
20:14:41 <desu> wish they'd all die
20:15:07 <Ampera> good to know that you're secretly just as fucked in the head as I am
20:15:11 <Ampera> we shall die together
20:15:13 <Ampera> suicide pact
20:15:16 <Ampera> alright who goes first
20:16:08 <desu> really i thought i would have made that clear by now
20:16:22 <desu> but yes
20:16:27 <Ampera> I always like to think the best of people, that way I can think the worst of myself.
20:16:42 <Ampera> alright, well then good luck, if you're anything like me, you're right properly fucked
20:16:52 <desu> i am unironically going to get hrt prescribed soon
20:16:53 <desu> dunno
20:17:25 <Ampera> I exist in a painfully uncomfortable balance of not wishing to transition, but also desperately needing it.
20:17:29 <desu> i could have gotten that when i was like 16 but i didn't want to ask for my parents consent at the time
20:17:35 <desu> now that im an adult
20:17:37 <desu> i do not need too
20:17:45 <Ampera> It's insane whenever I see other trans people online that range from insanely successful at what they've done to so bad I would pass better without doing anything at all.
20:18:14 <Ampera> My parents would give consent if I wanted it, and I was very close to pulling the trigger and doing it.
20:18:37 <Ampera> I just can't throw away that much of my life, though, and I'm already going to be dealing with immense financial burden and stress
20:18:40 <Ampera> I don't need more of it
20:19:08 <Ampera> but as much as I want to bury my problem and return to a time when it never even bothered me, it's like a sad addiction, it can't be destroyed, only coped with
20:19:18 <desu> ya
20:19:21 <Ampera> and as I do my own little examples of coping, day after day, the pain gets worse and worse
20:19:58 <desu> i just think you have to not DIY hrt
20:20:00 <desu> and you'll be alright
20:20:09 <desu> because i've met trans ppl that are ok
20:20:15 <desu> and others that are not so much fine
20:20:37 <desu> because if you don't DIY it you'll have to go to therapists and stuff
20:20:48 <Ampera> I don't trust therapists in the slightest.
20:20:53 <desu> i don't either
20:21:04 <desu> therapists put me on antipsychotics when i was a child
20:21:08 <Ampera> Their primary incentive is to make money, and will only ever operate under that condition.
20:21:19 <desu> and SSRI's
20:21:22 <desu> which is not cool
20:21:24 <Ampera> They probably got kickbacks on prescribing that shit.
20:21:39 <Ampera> That's why they do it, so they can break you more, and make you permanently reliant on their expensive talks.
20:21:46 <desu> because muh you don't want to be at school
20:21:59 <desu> also gabaergic drugs
20:22:05 <desu> dunno
20:22:08 <desu> evil
20:22:14 <desu> don't give pills to kids
20:22:16 <Ampera> The issue is that makes me truly alone.
20:22:32 <Ampera> I have no professional nor personal help, as all my personal help has left me.
20:23:00 <desu> where are you from
20:23:04 <Ampera> NY
20:23:05 <desu> i just assume you're from america
20:23:09 <desu> ya
20:23:13 <desu> don't you havel ike
20:23:18 <desu> mental health clincs
20:23:23 <Ampera> To do what
20:23:31 <desu> im not sure how all that works in america sorry
20:23:38 <desu> but here it's all sort of interconnected
20:23:45 <Ampera> We have clinics, groups, professionals, hobbyists, clerics.
20:23:59 <Ampera> Of course it's interconnected, that's how they make their money.
20:24:10 <desu> well what i mean
20:24:17 <desu> its esnetially all goes back to gov't
20:24:26 <Ampera> That doesn't happen here.
20:24:27 <desu> sorry i have not sleept in 30 hours and am drunk'
20:24:35 <Ampera> that's about right
20:25:28 <Ampera> I know there is no help for me, none that I wish to accept. This is such a dangerous and precarious issue that if I did, I'd ruin myself and my financial situation immediately.
20:25:32 <desu> honestly i understand your distrust of therapist
20:25:34 <desu> s
20:25:43 <desu> yeah
20:26:03 <Ampera> Here's the thing, I don't need them. They can't prescribe anything here, and I don't technically need a prescription to get HRT, just informed consent.
20:26:22 <Ampera> I've found considerably more helpful guidance and advice in the minds of people who themselves have gone through a mental hell.
20:27:05 <Ampera> and all I can come up with is that, while there may be a nice select few that have come out on top, my chances are far too slim for me to really think it will work.
20:27:29 <Ampera> My voice is balls deep, my body/facial hair is insane, my bulge is fucking huge.
20:27:37 <desu> yup
20:27:43 <desu> yeah you americans have informed clincs
20:27:46 <desu> we don't have that here
20:27:46 <Ampera> If I had no dysphoria I'd be fucking made, seriously.
20:28:07 <desu> it's either going through a bunch of psychaistirst meetings
20:28:12 <desu> or DIY hrt
20:28:38 <Ampera> The issue is that it's all so simple from a point to point view. Show up, sign a paper, get treatment
20:28:54 <desu> yeah i dont agree with that
20:29:00 <Ampera> Name/gender changes, anything bureaucracy is fine.
20:29:04 <desu> i think ppl who transistion need some sort of health during it
20:29:35 <Ampera> Honestly when the alternative is placing your mental health in the care of people who have a long track record of destroying patients and children, I think letting people take it themselves is perfectly fine.
20:29:54 <Ampera> Even if it's them destroying themselves, we sell beer and tobacco, they're gonna do that anyways.
20:31:13 <desu> well yeah
20:31:23 <desu> for some ppl diy hrt works fine
20:31:31 <desu> i don't think it would for me for example
20:31:40 <desu> because i am sort of a unstable person
20:31:55 <coppice_> I think the only positive effect of the mental health profession is locking up those who are seriously dangerous. For ever other positive thing they do there always seems to be a bunch of really big negatives
20:32:31 <Ampera> coppice_, the negatives come when these are people who haven't experienced your problem, don't understand anything besides what they've been told, and want nothing better than for you to become dependent on them so they can make money.
20:33:09 <Ampera> While we may have made genuine advances in physical medicine, mental health is still a pre-chicken soup state of affairs, and the best thing they have are the equivalent of mental blood letting and leeches.
20:33:50 <coppice_> According to one web sight 139 Euros is 12,479,420.04 Pounds :)
20:33:51 <Ampera> When the mind doesn't work correctly, all sorts of bastardizations of tribalism manifest, things like mental viruses exist and propagate, and it spills and hurts average people all the same.
20:33:55 <coppice_> site
20:34:01 <Ampera> Which pound
20:34:06 <Ampera> and which site
20:34:18 <coppice_> british pounds (GBP)
20:34:36 <coppice_> Try the Euro/GBP selection at https://www.proaim.be/products/camtree-g-51-camera-gripper-campod-suction-car-mount
20:35:20 <desu> ,good boy points
20:35:33 <desu> g b p
20:35:41 <Ampera> coppice_, it says 124.79 GBP
20:35:55 <desu> oh and Ampera i don't encurage you to transition or not too
20:36:00 <desu> i guess
20:36:08 <desu> i don't want to be like that
20:36:13 <desu> since i know you're younger than me
20:36:22 <Ampera> coppice_, http://prntscr.com/ohnnsv
20:36:29 <Ampera> desu, good, than we can remain friends
20:36:30 <coppice_> Ampera: interesting. It sounds like my browser is getting the decimal point slightly wrong
20:36:42 <Ampera> I'm using Chromium if that's of any help
20:37:09 <Ampera> I've had trans people who have tried to convince me I need to transition just because /it sounded like I wanted it/
20:37:27 <desu> yeah
20:37:28 <desu> me too
20:37:31 <desu> when i was your age
20:37:32 <coppice_> Both Chrome and Firefox give me the 12 million pound figure
20:37:36 <desu> if i remember right you're 17?
20:37:42 <Ampera> Correct
20:37:50 <desu> i joined some discord from 4chan and they where really intense about
20:37:57 <desu> hrt
20:38:05 <desu> like you NEED to do it now
20:38:14 <Ampera> those fucks should fucking eat lead
20:38:21 <Ampera> my god that pisses me off
20:38:35 <Ampera> it's exactly what is wrong with transgenderism, and its stupid common
20:38:55 <Ampera> All the groups, all the professionals all the support is from those people, because they're the ones dedicated enough to provide it
20:39:05 <Ampera> but their support is more indoctrination than anything else
20:40:52 <coppice_> interesting. another machine running the same version of Fedora give the correct price
20:41:20 <desu> yeah its stad
20:41:23 <desu> sad
20:41:31 <desu> idk
20:41:34 <desu> clown world
20:43:05 <coppice_> Ampera: Its like cancer. That's such a big industry that their biggest fear is the discovery of a quick and simple fix for one of the major forms of cancer
20:43:08 <Ampera> desu, https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/542853460157136896/578459604594196493/D6qnmgbX4AAMq-S.png
20:43:48 <Ampera> coppice_, and the worst part is that so many people don't know this and refuse to believe it, placing almost unchecked trust into people who call themselves professionals.
20:44:05 <Ampera> Some out of lack of options, but some because they simply cannot think for themselves.
20:44:19 <desu> at least you don't live in clown capital
20:44:28 <desu> sweden is the clown capital of the world
20:44:42 <Ampera> oh dear you live in Sweden.
20:44:46 <Ampera> that's a big ouch
20:45:11 <coppice_> that means you live in Sweden. Everyone thinks their local clowns are the world's greatest
20:45:37 <desu> no
20:45:41 <desu> i mean
20:45:46 <desu> clowns run the gov't
20:45:54 <desu> and are trying to clown swedish people
20:45:56 <coppice_> same everywhere
20:46:34 <desu> also Ampera we have your rap negro locked up insweden
20:46:41 <desu> ASAP rocky or something lol
20:46:46 <Ampera> afternet's talking about that
20:46:50 <desu> wtf
20:46:53 <desu> you're on afternet
20:47:03 <Ampera> yeah, that's where the old eevblog channel is
20:47:07 <desu> creepy
20:47:15 <Ampera> we moved it here because reasons, but the old one still exists as a sort of general chat fan groupy thing
20:47:19 <desu> i was in #ev
20:48:05 <desu> i knew one of the opers on there
20:48:10 <desu> afternet
20:48:13 <desu> before he quit
20:48:19 <Ampera> Jobe?
20:48:22 <desu> nah
20:48:25 <Ampera> ah
20:48:27 <desu> we're on efnet now lol
20:48:41 <desu> kestrel
20:48:43 <Ampera> I don't really talk on IRC outside of #eevblog
20:48:49 <desu> that's the server he owned
20:50:17 <desu> it was either kestrel or devilwater
20:50:23 <desu> can't remember
20:50:31 <desu> was a while ago since he quit his server
20:52:50 <desu> i didn't know eevblog was on afternet
20:52:53 <desu> when was that
20:53:06 <Ampera> uh
20:53:10 <Ampera> not sure
20:53:16 <Ampera> lemme check I can find the date
20:53:39 <desu> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nORCIT6xQIs
20:53:50 <desu> must have been long ago
20:54:25 <Ampera> November 24, 2018
20:54:29 <Ampera> or around that time
20:54:48 <desu> weird
20:55:00 <desu> where you hidden from /list?
20:55:10 <Ampera> no
20:55:21 <Ampera> I was there for ages before
20:55:25 <desu> but maybe i didn't pay much attention into it
20:55:28 <desu> i was in like
20:55:29 <desu> #ev
20:55:34 <desu> #retrocomputing
20:55:35 <Ampera> I did have a different nick, TwoOfFive for a time
20:55:37 <desu> #anime
20:55:44 <Ampera> I was just in #eevblog
20:56:01 <desu> heh
20:56:12 <desu> i didnt notice it ever i guess
20:56:33 <desu> i will ask the oper guy if he knew about it
20:56:37 <desu> once he wakes up
20:56:43 <desu> we're still good frends
20:59:31 <desu> also
20:59:35 <desu> go to the area 51 raid
20:59:47 <Ampera> no I'm not going 3000 miles to be told to go home
20:59:55 Join: DogWomble_ ([email protected]) to #EEVblog
21:00:02 Mode: (by ChanOP) +o DogWomble_
21:00:12 <Ampera> hi DogWomble_
21:00:14 <desu> im going to the vatican raid!
21:00:40 <desu> i honestly wish we had cool ufo conspircaies in euro
21:00:44 <desu> we have like
21:00:45 <desu> vatican
21:00:49 <desu> thats it
21:00:52 <desu> i want to believe
21:01:33 <desu> oh and hi DogWomble_
21:04:49 Quit: SnowCrab ([email protected]) Quit: Connection closed for inactivity
21:08:35 <DogWomble_> hey desu :0 hey Ampera
21:09:04 <Ampera> Is Halcyon coming to visit you while he's in cymru?
21:09:22 <DogWomble_> possibly :)
21:16:42 <desu> what's cymru
21:17:06 <DogWomble_> i assume he's referring to canberra :)
21:17:56 <coppice_> cymru == Wales
21:18:00 <rust_collector> And I thought it was the south western part of the ik
21:18:00 <desu> according to google its
21:18:01 <desu> ye
21:18:04 <desu> wales
21:18:18 <rust_collector> also called nowhere
21:18:24 <Ampera> cymru = wales = cambria = canberra
21:18:42 <Ampera> this is a third level linguistics joke, and I am the only person who finds it funny
21:18:52 <desu> how do they pronounce cymru
21:18:54 <desu> like
21:18:56 <desu> kymru?
21:19:03 <desu> or stnryu
21:19:09 <desu> symru
21:19:13 <Ampera> kimrui kinfs
21:19:18 <Ampera> *kinda
21:19:47 <Ampera> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Cymru.ogg
21:20:32 <desu> kömry
21:20:42 <coppice_> Cymru doesn't look like a Welsh word, due to its lack of Ls
21:20:56 <Ampera> llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch
21:20:56 <desu> and the ö
21:20:59 <Ampera> is that enough l's for you?
21:21:09 <Ampera> there's four of them in a row
21:21:14 <desu> sounds like a l
21:21:15 <desu> ö
21:21:35 <desu> the cy part
22:06:56 <rust_collector> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aait14QVBGY
22:47:31 <coppice_> Welsh is an L of a language
22:48:28 <rust_collector> hah
23:18:51 <rust_collector> I think, I am going to mess up the clothes dryer today
23:19:45 <rust_collector> it already is, so if I can mess it up enough for it to work, that is worth it. And the wife is not here today, so
Search this day's buffer: