// #nerdhacks — 2024-09-10
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12:31:00 <AxeZZZ> Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a man in a trench coat came up and flashed them. One old lady immediately had a stroke. The other couldn't quite reach.
12:35:00 <AxeZZZ> How can you tell if a peurto rican girl is pregnant? Check her pulse.
13:13:00 <lx> 12 Why don't blonds call 911? Because they can't find the '11' button
13:14:00 <lx> 12 What is the difference between blondes and government bonds? Bonds mature, blondes don't.
13:15:00 <lx> 12 What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase? "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."
15:06:00 <AxeZZZ> :D
15:25:00 <lx> 12 Why are blondes so easy to get into bed? Who cares?
15:25:00 <AxeZZZ> :D
15:26:00 <AxeZZZ> The Lone Ranger and Tonto have been riding all day on a buffalo hunt. When they stop to rest, Tonto places his ear to the ground and listens."Buffalo come," Tonto says."How do you know that?" asks the Lone Ranger."Ear sticky."
15:27:00 <AxeZZZ> So a murderer, masohist, sadist, necrophiliac and pyromaniac are siting together and the sadist says:"Hey let's get a cat and torture it!", and the murderer says:"Ok, let's torture a cat and then kill it!", so the pyromaniac says:"Great, let's torture a cat, then kill it, and then burn it!" and then the necrophiliac says:"Yeah ok, but let's torture the cat, then kill it, then burn it, and
15:27:00 <AxeZZZ> then fuck it!", to which the masohist replies:"Meow"
16:38:00 <AxeZZZ> this reminds me of having to reboot multiple win98 sessions to install a printer driver wayyyyyyyyyyyy back when >>> https://twitter.com/SteveInmanUIC/status/1832987732706009521
17:27:00 <AxeZZZ> fk me, your future is doomed kids >>> https://twitter.com/PicturesFoIder/status/1833017769282900054
22:52:00 <Axeman> a blonde goes in to the doctor for a checkup and is wearing pod earphones. the doctor says "disrobe and remove the earphones please". the blonde takes her clothes off and puts on the smock but keeps the pods in, the doctor says "you must remove the earphones for me to do a hearing test!" the blonde looks distressed but slowly removes one then the other pod. the instant she does, she drops
22:52:00 <Axeman> to the floor, dead!. the doctor attempts resussitation to no avail and pronounces her deceased a short time after. the next day he's still wondering what happened to her when he notices her phone and pods sitting on the chair, he puts one pod in his ear and plays the last audio selected on the phone. it is a voice saying "breathe in,.... breathe out..... breathe in....."
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